Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Wonder Woman vs. The Gym Beeyatches

Why do these Gym Beeyatches wanna get somethin' started with me. Don't they know that I will haul off and Amazon Slap one of them into next week?

You know the type...Perky, skinny as shit, perfectly ponytailed, perfectly outfitted women. They usually don't work outside of the home (at least they don't have any babies/small children at home), but live at the the gym between 8:30 and 2pm while their rug rats are at school. They are the ladies who meet their girlfriends in the cafe or Sta.rbu.cks in their cute sweat suits prior to their workout and then stand in the freaking middle of the gym floor after - chitchatting about Bobby Joe's braces...AND they act like they own the freakin' gym. I hate them and want to be one of them at the same time. BEEEYATCHES!

I'm part of the Super Women Gym Beeyatch Group. We throw our gym stuff in a bag, often forgetting socks or a sports bra (OOOOH, I hate when that happens - ever work out in your super suit?) We come to the gym either at the crack of dawn or after 5 pm cause we are busy Saving the MFn' World AND keeping a home. We don't have time to get to the gym an hour before and stay and hour after. We got shyat to do...save the world, defeat tyranny, cook dinner, clean house, homework & throw a freakin dinner party without so much as breaking a sweat. We don't have coordinated workout outfits NOR do we often match. We are there to get a workout and go home or back to our Super Duties.

Well, this morning was the 1st day back to the official Super Duties. I had gassed up the Invisible Plane for a business trip to a God forsaken hole in the wall and since I didn't have to leave until 3, I decided to go to the gym to take a Total Conditioning class that I've discovered and love. When I got there 5 minutes before class (not an hour prior with my Cappuccino in hand), it is packed. I found a spot way up at the front of the class (right in front of the mirror), but there are barely any hand weights of any significance left. The instructor says that we will have to share weights and starts the class. The Gym Beeyatch next to me (in her perfectly coordinated Ni.k.ie outfit and matching shoes) has 3 sets of weights (17.5, 15, 12lbs). She is only using the 17.5lbers so I ask if I could use her 12's. She looked at me with sheer derision (if laser beams came from this heffers eyes, I would have died right there), ROLLED HER MFn' EYES and said nothing. Just went right on with the workout. Do you now how hard it was NOT to slap the sweat off her smug face? I snatched the weights up and didn't even think to give em back.

Lord, being Wonder woman and holding back on using my super powers on ordinary mortals is really challenging me. I wanted (and could have) to kill her SOOOOOO bad.

It was a great workout despite the Gym Beeyatch. Next time I plan to get there earlier and taker her freakin' spot. She what she's got to say then.

FORGIVE THEM...FOR THEY KNOW NOT WHAT THEY DO.

1 comment:

hot_tamale45 said...

oh they know good and well what they do....and they love doing it too. beeyatches everyone of them.